Monday, July 19, 2010

A little bit of optimism today

Well sounds like the cardiology team is going with the “maybe it was a fluke” idea for the bronchial cast, possibly caused by an infection or the decrease of dietetics. Let’s just PRAY that they are right and that with the nebulizers she is on she will NEVER get another one! The plan for now is to get us outta here ASAP and wait and see. If she continues to develop the casts we will be back in many a time and then they will do a heart cath but for now they want to leave her alone as much as possible.

Last night I just cried myself to sleep. As a parent you should NEVER have to be asked if you want a “DNR” order on your child! For the last two days I’ve been playing out in my head how I would want Lilli to go…. with people standing over her poking, sticking, and attempting every last option while she is freaking out or peacefully as possible in my arms? It’s horrible and no parent should ever have to face these decisions. Only God should make it and as a parent I feel like I would be “playing God” either way!

I read a study about Plastic Bronchitis online and it said out of 12 pediatric heart patients cases 6 ultimetly passed due to complications from it! I don’t like the 50% odds as Lilli’s chance of being born with all of this was only 1% to begin with UGGG.

I’m pessimistically optimistic that maybe they are right and that last cast will be the one and only… but I have no clue how I’m going to sleep or be away from her, or go anywhere farther away from the Hospital EVER!

Hugging mama! Can you tell how sleepy we both are? Ha