Last night at bedtime Lilli said “mommy, I don’t want to go
to heaven yet”. She proceeded to have tears run down her face and kept naming
things she would miss and was asking if they had those things in heaven. She
said “I know mommy, you can come with me… I will hold your hand and we can go
together”….
I held it together for about 5 minutes and then just held
her and cried with her. How in the world do I answer her? I just kept saying “heaven
is the most beautiful place and you will have everything you could ever want or
need”. She kept asking when she is going and all I could say it “God will
decide”. It tears my heart apart. I’m petrified of our future. I can’t imagine
life without her for one second.
I’m so scared for what is to come. No one knows what is
going on with her as of yet. I’m working on getting things in order so we can
head to Boston for the procedure… and I’m just plain sick about the whole
thing.
